


Without trust, our marriage is dead.

by Kamron01



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:28:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25887358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamron01/pseuds/Kamron01
Summary: Klaine one-shot.Blaine and Kurt move to LA for a year because of Blaine's lead role in a TV show. To fit his character, Blaine begins to work out, and with that come changes. Some changes Kurt's not entirely comfortable with.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Kudos: 29





	Without trust, our marriage is dead.

Kurt first noticed it when they were making out. They were in their New York Penthouse – Blaine always wanted to move out into the suburbs, maybe raise their kids there and live their life out of the hectic whirlwind that is New York City, but Kurt convinced him otherwise. It took buying cronuts whenever Blaine asked and – Kurt’s slightly embarrassed to admit this, letting Blaine tie him up and do _whatever he wanted._ Not all the time, but whenever the mood called for it. Kurt was somewhat surprised when he found out he enjoyed being tied up. Except from the time he got drunk and let that bisexual Santa guy tie his hands to his ankles, Kurt always thought he would enjoy the other role. The one _doing_ the binding, you know the one who _dominates._ But ever since the first time he trusted Blaine to do so, he changed his mind – Kurt Hummel loved to submit. Another instance he submitted to Blaine was when Blaine proposed a compromise – when they finally have kids is when they should move out to the suburbs. Kurt smiled when Blaine proposed the idea – kids was definitely not in his planner until later in his life. Not really a compromise, if you ask Kurt.

What also wasn’t in his planner was taking a break from Broadway. After a couple years of embarking on auditions and reaching his destination of ‘the producers decided to give the role to someone else’, he finally made it as lead. It went as perfect as Kurt could imagine. But he wasn’t planning on waiting another couple of years for another lead. It’s like what his dad said all those years ago in the garage, that Kurt should write his own musicals. Kurt was naïve- or maybe the producers were just stubborn and too hellbent on not changing the formula of a ‘male lead’, and so after struggling to find roles, Kurt Hummel was writing a musical.

What Kurt wasn’t planning on during his break was to temporarily move all the way to LA. Blaine had gotten the lead role on a crime TV show – so original but nonetheless he was proud of Blaine. He played a police detective, and so naturally, Blaine wanted to fit the role better. All the way in New York, Blaine would go to the gym and work out. And at first he gained a good amount of muscle – enough to make Kurt’s knees go weak every time he saw him shirtless. Not that he didn’t already but hey, a couple of pounds of muscle never hurt anybody. Then it slowed down.

When they got to LA, Blaine started to go gym with Sam. Sam moved all the way to California to pursue his modelling career, and Kurt can still remember Sam screaming down the phone when he heard that Blaine would be up in LA for a year. And that’s how it started.

Blaine working out with Sam was like a scientist finally working out the physics of a blackhole. It was like Sam taught Blaine all the tricks to maximise his muscle growth – Sam was basically a cheat sheet. Five months in a Blaine was… he was different. Not a bad different – just different. He hadn’t turned into some juiced bodybuilder, he was still the man who could switch between being as adorable as a baby, to as sexy as Kurt’s wildest fantasies. But nonetheless, he was different. Blaine had put on a really good amount of muscle, his arms and chest filled out his t-shirts, with his abs being rock hard. His thighs made Kurt’s mouth water with thoughts of just what they could do and his shoulders – well let’s just say they make resting his arms on a whole lot comfier. Blaine looked good. Kurt… did not.

Kurt sat on his couch in their living room, his laptop on his side with papers and empty scoresheets sprawled across his coffee table. He figured a change of scenery from the office they set up in the spare room would help – it did not. Blaine had taught Kurt how to read and write music, and yet his music scoresheets remained blank. He couldn’t hum a tune and write it down easily like Blaine. He couldn’t back up a simple tune with chords on a guitar like Blaine. He couldn’t turn a simple melody into an amazing song like Blaine. Blaine was just amazing. Kurt… was not.

Blaine had gone off to rehearsal, a relatively short day, with the cast finishing off around lunch. It was actually an extra day they were working so it figures they weren’t there for normal working hours. Blaine had texted Kurt that he was going to go meet up with Sam for lunch – and if Kurt wanted to come. Being around Blaine and Sam was hard enough as it was. It’s not that he doesn’t like them, how could he not like them – Blaine was his husband. It’s just that Blaine and Sam always seem to be on the same wavelength. They could talk hours on end and not realise it until the sun sets- or rises depending on their topic of conversation. Kurt wasn’t jealous of their relationship, just that he wishes Blaine and himself were like that. Sure they get along perfectly fine, but the bond Blaine and Sam have most definitely surpasses that which he himself had with Blaine. Maybe because they were never really friends – but soulmates reconnecting with each other like Blaine always says, Still, he wishes he could understand some of their jokes about Star Wars or comics.

Just as he was pouring his fourth cup of coffee, Blaine storms in through the front door. His curls free and wild, his muscly chest heaving up and down as he takes in deep breaths. If it wasn’t for the huge grin on his face, Kurt would’ve rushed over to ask what’s wrong. Blaine shakes his head, the rainwater flying off everywhere and oh my god – what the hell is wrong with him? He is a literal puppy. A muscly, curly-haired puppy with eyes that put the sun to shame.

“Blaine what the hell. You’re getting water all over the wall. Why are you wet anyway?”

“Well in case you hadn’t noticed, but it’s pouring down like crazy out there.” Blaine smiles as he points towards the window. Kurt follows his thick forearms towards the window in the hallway and wow, it is raining. Kurt’s been so absorbed in attempting to write the music for his show that he didn’t realise.

“So why are you out of breath?”

“Well… after lunch, Sam challenged me to a race back here. Of course, I didn’t decline. I had every good reason to get home early anyway. From the rain that’s pouring down to my beautiful husband at home, I had all the motivation.” Blaine grins as he pulls off his denim jacket and white t-shirt. Another thing which had severely improved was Blaine’s need to dress like a baby grandpa. Gone were the blinding colours of purples and yellows, which faded into greys and whites. His fashion sense was definitely Kurt approved – how could it not when it made Blaine look like a model straight out of Hollywood. My God was Blaine sexy, sometimes Kurt wonders where everything changed… when did Kurt himself change…

“So… did you win?” Kurt asks, genuinely curious and slightly concerned Blaine thought it was a good idea to run like hell in this random spout of monsoon rain.

Blaine laughs. A big, hearty laugh which causes his head to throw back, exposing his thick neck. The very same neck that fuses into his bare chest and ripped stomach. Blaine stands there shirtless with a pair of dark blue denim jeans, and Kurt can’t help but marvel at how utterly handsome Blaine looks. With that revelation – not exactly a new one, comes the ever growing vine of insecurity. Why the hell would Blaine be with me, married to me, when he looks like that? When he can pretty much get anyone he wants? What does he see in me, and why can’t I see it myself?

“Of course I did. Sam couldn’t beat me in high school and he sure as hell can’t beat me now.” Blaine laughs, snapping Kurt out of his thoughts. Blaine slips off his shoes and socks, throwing them towards the front door – a habit he scolds Blaine for but the message never seems to shrink through. Just as he was about to mention it, Blaine jumps Kurt. They fall back onto the couch, and Blaine captures Kurt’s lips in a searing kiss.

“Just being around all those models today at lunch, and everything we started in the morning but couldn’t finish – has made me incredibly horny for you Kurt Hummel.” Blaine talks in a deep, sultry tone that usually never fails to get Kurt in the mood. But this time… it doesn’t. Kurt knows pretty much why, but he sure as hell isn’t ready to tell. Kurt kisses back, trying to emulate the way he kisses when he’s positively horny. He thinks it works, until he feels Blaine pull away and his eyes expressing worry.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine.” Kurt tries to move forward to kiss Blaine, only to find him moving back even further, the back of his knees hitting the edge of the coffee table.

“Are you sure? I’ve noticed that you’re not really in the mood most of the time we make out. I’ve noticed it since we got here, but… is it LA? Are you not happy here?”

“No LA is fine, everything’s fine. Come on, just kiss me.” Kurt tries his usual deflect and forget method. Maybe if he deflects Blaine’s questions enough times, he’ll just eventually forget and Kurt can go on not having to embarrassingly explain his emotions.

“Everything is not fine. Something is bothering you, and you need to tell me.”

“I don’t need to tell you anything.” Kurt spits out, slightly harsher than he intended to

“Kurt… please. Please don’t just ignore what you’re feeling. If anything, I had ignored it too long. I figured that you probably needed some time to get used to LA, but it’s been five months. Please just tell me.” Blaine looks straight into Kurt’s eyes and Kurt hates when he does it. It causes Kurt to want to tell Blaine what he’s feeling, and right now he’d very much not want to.

“Everything is fine. Will you stop worrying? The only reason I’m never in the mood is because you keep jumping me when I’m working like some horny teenager.” Kurt says harshly, instantly regretting the words because now they’ll lead to an argument. An argument will lead to them saying things they don’t mean and then they’ll have a spout of awkwardness. And it’s not like he has many friends here in LA to run off to, to vent.

“Okay. I’m just going to go into the shower, give you time to cool down. Can we talk afterwards though, please Kurt.” And wow that is not what he was expecting. Why is Blaine’s maturity making him angry?

“Yeah sure whatever, go be the mature one.” Kurt spits and he doesn’t know why. Well he does know why but he’d rather not acknowledge it. Blaine just huffs before walking past him and into the bedroom.

Why is Blaine being mature annoying him? They’re 25 years old, and yet Kurt can’t help but feel… what? Kurt doesn’t really know what he feels, or maybe he does and he should just accept it and talk to Blaine about it. Honesty. He needs to be honest with Blaine, they need to honest to each other if this marriage is going to work for the long run.

Blaine walks out of the bedroom 30 minutes later, his hair dry and his curls bouncing with every step. He’s wearing an old Dalton sweatshirt and a pair of snug jogging bottoms, and my god he looks good even when he’s dressed casually. He walks into the kitchen and returns with a bottle of water and a slice of cheesecake. Kurt was about to ask where’s his when the plate is placed in from of him on the coffee table. Kurt’s heart swells, his guilt too.

“Whenever your ready, although the cheesecake is a lot nicer cold.” Blaine gently speaks, a hint of a smile on his lips.

They sit in silence for about 10 minutes, the only sound is their breathing which feels like it’s bouncing off all the walls. Kurt replays different endings of this inevitable conversation in his head, the idea that Blaine might leave him circulates furiously. He knows it’s preposterous, Blaine won’t leave him – they’re married. Leaving someone for a reason as trivial as this is completely stupid, and yet Kurt can’t stop the thought from invading his mind. Kurt ultimately settles on a decision – they’ll have the talk tomorrow. Kurt tries to tell himself it’s the ‘mature’ thing to do, but really, it’s just plain idiotic. Maybe the real reason is so that Blaine will forget, and Kurt can keep going on without admitting what he’s really feeling.

“I’m going to go skype Rachel, she had an audition yesterday… I want to hear how it went.” Kurt gets up and walks to his office with his laptop in his hand, completely ignoring the dumbfound expression on Blaine’s face.

“What? Kurt we need to talk, why are you running away from whatever your feeling?” Blaine speaks, mindful of not letting his anger seep through. Kurt can tell Blaine is getting a little restless but what can he do?

He can tell him the truth.

Kurt pulls up his walls, his tone spiteful, “I’m not running away from anything, I’m just calling to see how my friend is doing.” Kurt emphasizes ‘my’ slightly too hard and regrets it immediately. He regrets everything about this conversion too, not completely understanding why he’s just not telling Blaine how he feels. How can he possibly preach about honesty to Blaine and not follow through himself?

“Yes you are. Something is clearly bothering you, what? I have no idea and why you’re not telling me? Yeah I’m confused about that too. Just talk to me, tell me what you’re feeling.”

“Maybe I don’t want to tell you. Did you think about that? Maybe I don’t want to tell my husband how I’m feeling, what’s wrong with that?”

“Can you even hear yourself right now? Of course, there’s something wrong with that, if you can’t tell me what’s wrong then what does our marriage even mean? If I’m not the one you can talk to when you’re feeling… feeling however you’re feeling right now then clearly you don’t trust me. How the hell can we be married and actually last if you don’t trust me?” Blaine all but yells the last few words, his face flushed with anger and hurt.

“The only reason we’re even married is because you decided to.”

“What? We both decided to. And yeah, it was a rash decision which we probably weren’t ready for. But we’ve tried to make it work… and it has up until now.” Blaine narrows his eyes before adding, “Is that really what your angry about?”

“Just leave it…” Kurt turns around to make his way to the office before Blaine speaks again.

“Kurt turn around. This isn’t over.”

“Just leave it.”

“No I want to speak about this.”

“It’s fine, just leave it.”

“It’s not fine, how the hell can you –“

“I said fucking leaving it!” Kurt yells, his voice echoing off all the walls. Blaine looks completely shocked, his eyes wide with pain and hurt and… confusion. Blaine nods before walking to the couch and sitting down, his elbows resting on his thighs as he drops his head into his hands. Kurt turns back around to apologise before deciding against it and just walking to the bedroom instead.

They don’t talk for the rest of the day.

Blaine walks into the bedroom at night and picks up his pillow, his eyes teary and red-rimmed. He glances a look at Kurt and they hold the gaze for a few seconds before Blaine looks away.

They sleep in separate rooms.

Kurt wakes up the next day to find the living room empty. The pillow is stacked on the ottoman along with the blanket they always use when they watch movies together – huddling under the blanket and enjoying each other’s warmth. Kurt’s always the first one to fall asleep, and the last one to wake up. This time seemingly no different.

Kurt makes himself breakfast. A sad plate full of pancakes ranging from slightly underdone, to full on burnt. Blaine always made pancakes on Sundays – labelled his cheat day. How did everything go so wrong? Telling someone – not just anyone but your Husband, that your feeling insecure shouldn’t be hard. Kurt trusts him with everything, and there’s a horrible feeling in his stomach when he realises that he made Blaine question that. He made Blaine think that he didn’t want to be married to him. In trying to keep Blaine by not admitting his true feelings, he’s just pushed him away. And now… oh my god, he actually shouted at Blaine. He shouted at his Husband, the one man who means everything to him. He shouted at him because he’s just too scared to admit he’s insecure.

Kurt showers and gets ready for the day. He starts to write the music for one of his characters in his show, but absolutely nothing comes out. He can’t even hum a melody… or anything which resonates with the character. He needs Blaine, in more ways than one.

Blaine walks though the front door at 5pm, his hair dishevelled and completely soaked with… water? Kurt glances a look outside and sees the roads completely dry. He looks back at Blaine, and notices the gauze wrapped around his knuckles and the slight limp he’s got. He went to the gym. Only this time it’s different, Blaine’s worked himself to exhaustion and if the gauze is anything to go by, Blaine probably lost himself when on the bag. Kurt wants to say something but…

“There’s dinner in the fridge. I got kind of hungry and made some chicken pasta.”

“I’m not hungry.” Blaine says, tone flat and seemingly emotionless, but Kurt can hear the overwhelming amount of pain in his voice.

“Blaine wait.” Blaine stops and turns around, his eyes sad and sombre. “I’m sorry. About everything I said and the way I spoke.” Blaine just nods before turning around and walking to the bedroom. Ten minutes later, Kurt hears the shower turn on, but the water is instead pelting the shower floor. He knows Blaine’s not actually using the shower, but as a distraction. Kurt wants to act like he doesn’t know why, but he knows exactly why and to think that he caused that. He’s caused the way Blaine is feeling right now. He’s the reason that Blaine is probably crying in the bathroom right now…

Blaine sleeps on the couch again.

On Monday, Blaine has already left by the time Kurt wakes up. Kurt pours himself a bowl of cereal – lucky charms to be exact. They used to be Blaine’s favourite until he started dieting and going to the gym. Why they’re even in the kitchen surprises Kurt.

Monday is completely unproductive. Kurt can’t seem to get the words out. Before he would just struggle with writing the music, but now, even advancing the plot of his show is proving to be impossible. It’s around 9pm when he realises that Blaine hasn’t come home yet. Kurt begins to worry when the clock hits 10pm, and now at 11pm, he’s calling Blaine’s workplace. Only when the call goes to voicemail does he receive a call from Sam – of course Sam, how could he not think that Blaine is at Sam’s place.

“Hello?”

“Hey Kurt… I just wanted to call to let you know that Blaine is staying at mine tonight. We had a couple of drinks after work, then we came back to mine had a couple more. Blaine went a little harder than the rest of us and er - he’s currently passed out on one of my friends. Didn’t want you to worry.”

“Thanks for letting me know, I appreciate it. Look after him yeah, he can get really clingy when he’s drunk.” Kurt lightly chuckles.

“Well he probably won’t wake up until tomorrow so… yeah. Lucky he’s got a day off.”

“Oh does he? Well yeah that’s good.”

“Yeah… well I should go now. I’m way too tired, I just need my bed.”

“Alright. Bye Sam.”

“Bye.”

Kurt cries himself to sleep.

It’s around half eleven in the morning, when Blaine walks through the door again and Kurt’s ending this strange phase of silence between them. He’s crazy for it even getting to this point and now… now he owes Blaine an explanation.

Kurt lets Blaine take a shower and freshen up. When he walks out of the bedroom, he looks sinfully sexy. His hair is styled today, not completely gelled down but enough that the curls are tamed. He’s wearing a white button-down shirt, the buttons a rusty gold colour, blue denim jeans with rips across the knees and white converse. No one should be allowed to look as sexy as Blaine does in just such simple clothes, and yet here he is. His eyes are still sad but it seems the pain has lessened, or maybe he’s still slightly hungover.

“Blaine?” Blaine turns to face Kurt, his eyebrows raised expectantly, urging Kurt to carry on.

“Oh are you going out?”

“Was going to go to the park for a bit, why what’s up?”

“I think we need to talk.” Blaine doesn’t say anything, so Kurt keeps going, “I just want to say that I don’t regret marrying you. Yes we made a really rash decision but I don’t regret it. I love being married to you. I love you…”

“Kurt, if you don’t trust me then it doesn’t matter whether you love me or not, the marriage is already dead.”

“But I do. I do trust you. I always have and I’m sorry I made you doubt that.”

“It’s all just words Kurt. You being afraid to tell me how you feel is more than enough proof that you don’t really trust me. I think you want to but … you don’t. I guess… that’s what hurts the most. I broke your trust all those years ago. I thought maybe I fixed it and that I amended the damage I caused when I cheated but… I don’t think I did. “Blaine says, his eyes tearing up and his breath becoming slightly more erratic.

Just the sight makes Kurt emotional, “No baby, you did. I’ve forgiven you for that. Believe me I have… I – I’m just not feeling that great right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“I… don’t like the way that I feel about myself.” Blaine looks at Kurt, his eyes softening even further as he tentatively reaches out to grasp Kurt’s hand. He gives a slight squeeze, almost like a silent encouragement, and Kurt didn’t realise how much he needed it.

“You’ve been going to the gym and working out. And you look… amazing, Blaine. You really do… Your body is just sinfully gorgeous and then… I’d run my hands over you and you would just have muscle everywhere. It just made me slightly self-conscious. I would think ‘why?’ you know. ‘Why would someone as gorgeous as you be with someone like me?’ I tried so hard to see what you see, but I just don’t get it.” Blaine pulls his hand away to wipe away the tears in his eyes before looking at Kurt again. He notices that Kurt is also crying, his cool blue eyes steamed with tears. Blaine uses the pad of his thumb to wipe those tears away.

“And I’ve been struggling to write my musical. I can’t write the music down like you do, you’re just amazing at it, and it frustrates me that I can’t be as good. Your able to just sing a random melody and out of nowhere you’ve got this song which tells a story. I just… I wonder if I’m good enough”

“You are good enough, Kurt. You are better, you’re so freaking talented. So… is this what everything’s been about? You’ve been feeling… down lately?”

Kurt nods and he knows that Blaine understands. Blaine understands more than anyone, and Kurt’s an idiot for thinking otherwise. Blaine pulls Kurt into a warm embrace and just hold him, just like Kurt did all those years back. Blaine strokes the small of Kurt’s back, trying to calm him down.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Blaine whispers into Kurt’s ears.

Kurt pulls away, still holding onto Blaine’s arms, but pulling away to look into his eyes. “I don’t know…” Kurt shrugs, “I just… I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want you look at me and think that I’m weak… I don’t know how…I – “

“It’s okay… Kurt, I’ll always love you. I don’t think I could survive without you in my life…” Blaine rests both his hands on Kurt’s cheeks, and stares deeply into his eyes, “You are the strongest person I know. They threw everything at you and you won.”

Kurt chuckles, “You sound like my Dad.”

“Burt was right. You are so incredibly strong, honestly – sometimes it freaks me out.” Kurt laughs again before launching forwards and capturing Blaine’s mouth in a kiss. It starts off slow and sweet, both savouring the taste of each other, before spinning wildly out of control with need. They pull of each other’s clothes and Blaine pushes Kurt down onto the couch. He sinks to his knees and takes Kurt in his mouth. It’s hot and desperate, and so completely them. Blaine quickly runs to the bedroom to grab the lube before running back and placing himself back between Kurt’s legs. He uses his hands to lift Kurt’s legs, resting them on his shoulders. It leaves Kurt fully open and on display, and for once he doesn’t feel self-conscious. Because he knows that the man in front of him will always love him, ‘fearlessly and forever’.

He quickly works Kurt open, until he’s a blabbering mess of ‘please’ and ‘more’ and ‘now’. And when Blaine pushes in a couple minutes later, they feel connected once more. The tether between them strengthens as they both reach their climax, like two souls who’ve finally rediscovered each other. Blaine carries Kurt to bedroom and places him into bed after cleaning him up. Blaine walks back to the living room and picks up his pillow before joining Kurt in bed. As soon as his head hits the pillow, they gravitate towards each other, seeking the warmth only they can give one another. Kurt rests his head on Blaine’s chest, Blaine’s hand lazily stroking up and down Kurt’s back. It feels just like it did six or seven years ago, and Blaine remembers the words ‘It’s okay’ whispered gently into his ears. Blaine looks down at Kurt and softly kisses his hair, whispering, “It’s okay, Kurt. I’ll always love you, fearlessly and forever.”


End file.
